Morning at the Inn
by Sylvia1
Summary: Legolas and Gimli discuss the nocturnal habits of elves. Thank you all for the great reviews! You inspired me to post this final part early.
1. Curiosity Killed the Dwarf

**Morning at the ****Inn******

**Part I**

**By Sylvia**

**sylvia_de_la_nuit@yahoo.com**

**Summary:       Legolas and Gimli discuss the nocturnal habits of elves.  No romance, no angst, just two friends on a rather tedious topic.  This story is rated R for adult content, adult situations, and some adult language.  **

**Disclaimer:     All LOTR characters are property of J.R.R. Tolkien, lucky guy, and I'm just borrowing them for fun, no profit made here (what, is it that obvious?).  Set shortly after the LOTR trilogy, no spoilers if you know the entire general storyline.  This is my first completed LOTR story, so please take it easy on me!  Enjoy and please review!**

            _Blast it all, where is that dratted elf?  By Gimli's estimate, it was nearly ten o'clock by now, and the elf was nowhere to be found.  Gimli was unsure as to whether Legolas could be outside, doing whatever it was elves chose to do outside, or within his chambers still, decidedly wasting all of Gimli's time in the process.  Annoyed, he stood within the vantage point of both a window in case he might come from outside, and the staircase from which he would surely descend were he still upstairs.  Unfortunately, he had waited nearly a half an hour thus, and there was still no sign of his friend, which was highly unlike him.  True, the evil Sauron had been defeated and the ring was destroyed, but at the same time… __A dwarf can never be too careful, he decided, his hand straying toward the hilt of his axe, __and this is Legolas, of course.  He shook his head and turned to head up the stairs.  __If he will not come to me, then I suppose I will be forced to hunt him out.  Damn elves and their frivolous ways.  He stormed up the steps and turned to find his friend's room at the end of the hall.  Deciding that civility was a privilege Legolas lost about a quarter of an hour ago, he walked in unannounced.  __That foolish elf even leaves his door unlocked! _

            As he walked in, and prepared to bellow aloud should he spot his belated friend, he stopped in mid-stride as he looked about the room.  But it wasn't what he saw that startled him, it was what he didn't see, or rather that he couldn't see.  It was nearly ten in the morning and Legolas' windows were still heavily draped so that very little sunshine came through.  The elf had a great love for the outdoors, a fact that Gimli was always expressing his frustration with, and the elf never closed his curtains, not to mention his windows against the sounds of nature.  Shocked, Gimli stalked over to the window to see if he could get more light into the room, as well as a dwarf can stalk.  On his way, he stumbled over a pile of clothing, and upon further inspection he realized it was Legolas'.  _When did the elf start sleeping in the nude?  I guess that rules out the idea that he could be outside, he decided with a grunt.  He reached the windows, and flung open the drapes.  He heard a strange hissing behind him, and turned to see Legolas burying his head under a pillow.  The sheets were twisted in strange ways on the bed, but came up to about mid-waist on his friend.  He lay on his stomach, his strangely smooth back rising and falling as he tried to regain sleep.  The dwarf had of course seen his friend without his shirt on, one doesn't travel for leagues without stopping to bathe at some point, but it never actually occurred to the dwarf that he grew no hair upon his body.  It was such an important aspect of dwarven livelihood that he was rather disgusted to find his friend with such a smooth back, and the dwarf stroked his beard in reassurance for himself and pity for his friend that lay dozing before him.  True, his friend was ugly by dwarven standards, but Gimli was certainly not considered perfection in the eyes of men.  Shaking himself of his straying thoughts, the dwarf turned his attention to the nightstand beside the bed, where a small clear vase containing only a single golden flower stood curiously behind a tiny cleanly folded envelope of stark white paper.  The room, the dwarf suddenly noted, held a strange mixture of smells from the blooming flower, to a distinctly female perfume, to… something else.  A large grin spread across Gimli's face as, curiosity overwhelming him, he picked up the letter, broke open the seal, and drove his eyes over its contents.  His smile grew larger._

_Legolas-_

_            Thank you so much for the lovely evening!  I hope to see you again the next time you come to town.  Please see me before you leave; I want to thank you in person…_

_Love,_

_Medea._

Gimli shook his head in disbelief, _why in the world would any woman want to sleep with an elf?  Then again, I suppose by human and elven standards, he could be attractive.  At the same time, though, the dwarf was rather glad to discover this for he had worried that his friend might never find the pleasures of a woman, so wrapped up did he seem with the sea-longing.  He replaced the note, and then set to the task of waking his friend.  This morning might be longer than he expected…_

TBC


	2. Questions and Answers

**Morning at the ****Inn******

**Part II**

**By Sylvia**

**sylvia_de_la_nuit@yahoo.com**

**Summary:       Legolas and Gimli discuss the nocturnal habits of elves.  No romance, no angst, just two friends on a rather tedious topic.  This story is rated R for adult content, adult situations, and some adult language.  **

**Disclaimer:     All LOTR characters are property of J.R.R. Tolkien, lucky guy, and I'm just borrowing them for fun, no profit made here (what, is it that obvious?).  Set shortly after the LOTR trilogy, no spoilers if you know the entire general storyline.  This is my first completed LOTR story, so please take it easy on me!  Enjoy and please review!**

"So, did you have a nice night with your lady friend, Master Elf?" Gimli spoke with a bit of mirth entering his voice as he pulled up a seat next to his weary friend.  He was greeted with a sigh as Legolas uncovered his face from beneath the rumpled pillow, a bit of lipstick splotched in strange placed near his lips.  He certainly looked ridiculous and Gimli promised himself to remember every moment of this for future mocking.

"I was _not with a lady friend last night, Gimli."  At that, Gimli couldn't control himself any longer and began laughing out loud._

"Not with a lady friend, eh?  Well, my chaste little friend, how do you explain the flower, the lovely note, the absence of your clothes, and not to mention the lipstick on your face?  Oh!  And is that wine I smell on your breath?"  Gimli started laughing again as Legolas propped himself up on his elbows and stared at Gimli as though he wanted to punch the dwarf for causing him so much embarrassment.  Then he looked to the vase on the table and a smile swept across his face.  He picked up the note as Gimli continued laughing and shook his head, running a hand through his hair before replacing the white parchment.  He sighed and pulled the sheets around himself as he sat up, clarity finally entering his eyes.

"Well, then, perhaps I was with someone last night, Master Dwarf.  And what business is it of yours what I do during my evenings?"  He crossed his arms, and even in this ridiculous situation managed to pull himself together -- as though he were in complete control of the situation.

"Then at least tell me that you'd consider marrying the poor lass, if she finds herself siring your child!  I'd feel sorry for a woman who is forced to raise an elfish human under her roof simply because you can't swallow your elvish pride!"  At this Legolas looked rather taken aback, but more from confusion than from indignity, which was a first.

"What do you mean if she gets pregnant?"  He cocked his head to the side as Gimli let out an exasperated groan.

"What do I mean?  I mean that these mortal women are not like your elves, Legolas!  If she becomes burdened, which happens frequently with human women, then you will not only be expected to marry her, but also to take care of her and the child!  Don't tell me that you haven't even considered that!"  Gimli stared at the centuries-old elf in disbelief.

"Oh no, Gimli!  It's not like that!"  Legolas smiled and shook his head, he hands outstretched to calm the dwarf.  "Elves do not accidentally give children, do not worry about that!"  Now it was Gimli's turn to stare at the elf as though he was insane.

"This isn't about elfish pride, Legolas, this is a serious matter!  And I am beginning to doubt your age if you continue on with this ridiculous idea."

"No, Gimli.  I know perfectly well how…. Um, susceptible some human women can be to siring children, that's not what I'm saying…"  He sighed, and closed his eyes temporarily before continuing.  "Elves do not accidentally give children, or rather, they can't."  At Gimli's continued suspicious glare, Legolas continued.  "An elfish man must want a child before he can accidentally have a child.  He must will himself to have children."  Gimli was rather shocked by this. 

"You mean you are able to choose with whom you sire children with?  I learn more about your strange race the more I'm around you."  Then he thought for a moment, his left hand stroking his beard.  "But that can't be true because Arwen has hinted more than once that she wants children, and she and Aragorn have not conceived once."

"Well, it is a little different between a mortal man and an elfish woman.  Both must consent, and at the same time whenever an elf does consent, it… is not easy to have child with someone.  In fact it can take a lot out of an elf, especially if they are woman because they must be willing to have the child the entire time that they are pregnant.  Does that make sense?"  Gimli nodded slowly trying to comprehend all that this new information might mean.

"Well then answer me this," he added with a bushy eyebrow raised.  "When you were with Medea last night, did you feel the sea-longing?  I mean if you must consciously decide not to have children with this woman?"  Legolas glared at him and folded his arms in defiance.

"And how exactly did you know what her name was, Gimli?"  Legolas gracefully avoided the question as the dwarf smiled and glanced toward the note and golden flower in the vase.  The elf set his jaw in indignation as his shoulders squared off.  

"That note is private, Gimli, and you of all creatures should have a bit of consideration for your friend's privacy.  I can't believe you barged in here in the first place, but then you have the audacity to read letters explicitly addressed to me?!"

"Peace, elf, the sun rose long ago, and I was alarmed that an elf of _your capabilities would not rise with it.  I never thought I would live to see the day that you rise late, not to mention that I find you in the __nude!"  At that the elf's face became crimson and he shut his eyes in embarrassment, pulling the sheets that now fell over his torso up above his shoulders.  "Now, unless you want me to regale Aragorn and Arwen of the sleeping habits of a certain foolish elf, you will answer my questions."  Gimli smiled delightedly at finally catching the elf off guard.  Legolas sighed and shook his head._

"Fine, Gimli.  You obviously have the advantage here."  He smiled slightly at the irony.  Gimli chuckled.

"Don't worry, Master Elf, you won't have to swallow your pride for too long, I assure you.  Now, on to my previous question: Did lying with this Medea last night help you in the sea-longing?"

"Yes," the elf began to redden in the face slightly, "yes, she did help me put aside my longing for the sea."

"Well then, it's settled then!  In each town we visit for now on, I will find you a woman to bed!  You needn't worry about having child with her, and with the way mortal women look at you, though I really don't understand why, it shouldn't be very hard to find women for you to bed!  Really, Legolas, I can't believe you never thought of this before…"  Legolas's eyes were huge as he interrupted Gimli's acclamation of his idea.

"No!  Gimli, you can't!  That's terrible!  Look, I can't just sleep with anyone; it just doesn't work like that!  That would be terribly rude!"

"Damn it, Legolas, if it curbs your accursed sea-longing, then I say we throw convention and manners to the wind!  I'd rather see you bed every woman in this village than see you consumed in your strange fits!"  Gimli was desperate, grasping at his idea in desperation.  The sea-longing was an affliction that, try as hard as he might, Gimli could never understand.  He constantly threw out these strange and bizarre ideas, and as shocked as Legolas was upon hearing them, he also saw them as an example of how deep their friendship had truly grown.  And since Gimli was not very fond of exclaiming his companionship with the elf, Legolas drew what he could from the dwarf's elusive comments.

"Look, Gimli that is another thing about elves.  Although we appreciate an attractive body as much as anyone else, we have more power over our bodies through our mental abilities than you do.  We can control when, where, and with whom.  Our body does not lead us to our destination, but our mind does."  Gimli stared at him for a moment before sighing heavily.

"You know, I think if elves were stripped of their poetic nonsense they might die of fright.  Can't you just say that you do not find every woman attractive?  Or at least something along the lines of: _We are stubborn elves that are very picky about whom we have bed.  If they do not meet our high standards of perfection, then we laugh and move them on their way." Gimli raised his baritone voice to badly match Legolas' light tenor._

"I think I very much prefer my description seeing as I am the elf here."  Legolas added with a small smile, but upon Gimli's continued amazed silence, he continued.  "You might think that it is a blessing to have, but because of these things my people do not find enjoyment in simple things.  We must find other ways of occupying our minds, either through magic, archery, or… the sea-longing."  He ran a hand through his tangled golden locks before continuing, "Because it is so very hard for my kind to propagate, my friend, we do not do well when large groups leave this land.  Our powers thin, and we do not have the ability to repopulate our lands, as you might say."  He shook his head and gave Gimli a sad look, "Do not think that it is so wonderful being immortal, my friend, for truly it has its limitations."

 "I do not think that I would completely consider them limitations, Legolas, look at how long your people survive.  Look at their abilities!"  Gimli's gaze seemed to blur and Legolas had to smile.  He had never before heard so many compliments from this dwarf concerning elves since they had met at the Council of Elrond.  His smile broadened as Gimli continued.  "Weather does not affect you like it does others, your kind can move with stealth unmatched.  I mean you have so little to fear that it's no wonder you're so cocky!"  Gimli laughed as he placed the elf's bow, arrows, and daggers on the edge of the bed.

"That is a terrible joke, Gimli."  Legolas smiled, shaking off his somber mood.  "Really, I thought you had better taste than – Oomph!"  He was cut off by a pile of clothes landing in his face.

"Oh be quiet.  It was an excellent joke!  Now clean yourself up and get dressed.  We have places to go and people to see!"  And with that the dwarf clomped out of the room and slammed the door.  Legolas sighed, seeing that he was finally alone.

"Noisy dwarfs."

Fin


End file.
